Inane Internet Ad Campaigns

March 28th, 2010

There seems to be a trend evolving in advertising at the moment. Companies seem to think that just because the internet is there, and that ‘the world’ is using it, they will be missing out on potential sales and customers if they don’t. As much fault in this fallacy must go also to the ad agencies they employ who are convincing them of this ‘fact’.

It’s wrong.

Kingsmill was the first such ad campaign that ignited my gall. Their Kingsmill Confessions campaign ‘encourages’ customers to log into their website and share a story about how Kingsmill has (presumably wittily) put punctuation in their lives.

It’s crass. It’s pointless. It’s so annoying that they’ve actually lost me as a customer. I used to buy Kingsmill bread. Their Confessions ad campaign so irritated me, that I have sworn never to by their bread again. I suspect I’m not alone. I cannot think of a life vapid enough that could cause anyone to waste a nanosecond on even attempting to find their website, let alone the wasted moments it would take to leave their so ‘scintillating’ (and inevitably boring) confession about how a loaf of bread has impacted their existence.

Apparently Kingsmill forked out around £11M for this campaign. The agency must have seem them coming. £11M for goodness sake! They could have paid me 1/11th of that and I’d have given them a much better idea. (Kingsmill, you can still come to me for my ideas if you’d like).

The latest household name to throw its brain in the bin and jump on the web campaign bandwagon is McVittie’s (United Biscuits). They’ve just launched an ad campaign where they split the entire nation into either ‘Dunkers’ or ‘Crunchers’. And here’s the really pointless bit…they then suggest that customers should go to their website and ‘vote for which one they are’.

It was only annoyance that has caused me to go to their website to try and find out why. Their website states:

“McVitie’s have a new Ad to support their promotional event “Dunk or Not?” (March-May). The new McVitie’s ad celebrates that we are a Nation of McVitie’s biscuit eaters, both Dunkers & Crunchers & encourages consumers to pick up a pack & vote online. Consumers will engage with the brand via many touch points including on the website / facebook & through radio.”

Again it’s crass. I mean, how comprehensively devoid of verve must your life be to even think of voting for such a pointless issue?

It’s the last sentence of their blurb that’s the most revealing about their inability to see the damage that they are doing to themselves and their brand. ‘Consumers will engage with the brand…’ No we won’t engage with it. We’ll be bashed over the head with the pointlessness of this approach. We’ll feel bruised and punch-drunk every time we’re unfortunate enough to come across the ad, and it will leave us annoyed that we’re being patronised in such a way. The result of this for me? I’m going to stop eating McVittie’s biscuits from now on. …and Facebook FFS! Facebook for biscuits?!? Jees!

Don’t get me wrong. There is a place for web campaigns to accompany previously traditional brands and styles of advertising. But, I buy…sorry bought…McVittie’s biscuits because they were the best. ‘McVittie’s – The best since biscuits began’ would have made me feel closer to the brand as a campaign slogan. Simple, traditional, (and probably) factual. I have no idea how much McVittie’s paid some Ad agency for this disaster of marketing, but it’s probably an embarrassingly huge amount, the result of which is at least one fewer consumer.

The saying goes that there’s no such thing as bad publicity. The trend in this sort of advertising is possible proof that this adage needs to be reassessed.

NB

Feckless Felicitations

November 4th, 2009

Recently, despite the postal strike, a letter dropped through the door. It was official looking and closer inspection to the sealed flap found that if it was undelivered it was to be returned to my car insurer.

“Ah”, I thought. “That’ll be something to do with the fact that I informed them a couple of weeks ago that the registration on the insurance certificate was incorrect”.

I opened said envelope.

It was a birthday card. It was a very early birthday card. It was a very early birthday card from my car insurer. I stared at the front, opened it, and stared at the message…and repeated this cycle a few times. Bemused I was.

Why do companies do that?

I mean I can understand why the company I work for sends out Christmas cards to clients. It’s because we genuinely want to wish the people we’ve been working with and for, and with whom we’ve built a relationship over the previous months, a sincere and happy Christmas. They are hand-written and personal.

But there’s no sincerity, no underlying purpose of caring, that causes a big car insurance firm to send me (and presumably ALL of their customers) a birthday card. It’s kind of creepy in way. It actually feels like they’ve invaded my personal space to a degree.

Imagine if theirs was the only Birthday card I received! That would be worse than receiving none.

Imagine (if I kept it) a friend coming round and saying “Oh, who’s that card from?”…”erm…it’s…er…from my car insurer” WTF?!?

Why do they do it? Why ‘bother’? It means nothing to them, really.  And it sure as heck means less than that to me.

If you think I’m being a little harsh, and that perhaps there’s a smattering of genuineness in this expression of good will from them to me, let me put you straight and that notion to bed. Today, another envelope came through the door. Identical in look and feel to the one previously mentioned.

This must be the updated documentation”, I thought.

I opened said identical envelope.

It was another Birthday card from the same company.

I realised that I also have my home insurance with them as well.

It should stop. It really should. It’s pathetic.

NB

National Poetry Day – Ode to Modern Times

October 8th, 2009

As it’s National Poetry day today, here’s my ha’penny worth:

I’ve got loads of friends on Facebook
Several followers on dear Twitter
My Myspace feels neglected
Friends Reunited can’t even figure

I’ve got at least 2 telephone numbers
Email addresses count to 4
Then there’s Bebo Skype, and Flickr
I don’t know who I am any more!

I’m everywhere and nowhere
Many people and no one at all
In this multimedia melee
Where you’re never off a call

The only way to fix it
Is ban each and every one
Unplug it, delete it, unsubscribe
Til I’m down to only one

The one that’s left will be myself
I can breath a sigh of relief
I’ll have much more quality time
No need keep things all so brief

But wait, hold on a minute
There’s now no usual crew
Now I’m down to one, it’s not so much fun
There’s only one thing left to do

I’ll sign back up to Face book
Quickly add my many friends
Re-establish Flickr and Myspace
And get all my emails sent

Now I just need to upload all those pics
And tag each 1,2,3
Laptop’s on, mouse is in hand
‘Hello World! That’s right, it’s me!”

NB

Welcome!

September 23rd, 2009
http://math-art.net/2007/12/02/lorenz-attractor-a-3d-render/

http://math-art.net/2007/12/02/lorenz-attractor-a-3d-render/

Hello All (probably only me in fact at this stage)

Those of you who know me, know of my passion. I’m pretty much all-for or all-against, if that isn’t a copout… in terms of saying… I’m pretty much (as in not entirely) all-for or all-against. I’m passionately active, or passionately lazy.

Then there’s my ability, if you can call it that (in fact sometimes it’s a curse) to procrastinate, excogitate, over-think, deliberate, ruminate, reflect, scrutinise, not spell anything ending ‘ise’ with ‘ize’, contemplate, percolate, conjecture…where was I…oh yes…I think about stuff…a lot.

I am intrigued about this planet, where it sits in the cosmos, why we’re here, what the point of it all is…

…the rest…well, we’ll just work that out as we go along I guess.

Welcome one and all…whenever you get here.

NB